MANILA, Philippines — Children are the reflections of their parents. Having manners is the most obvious way to see if a child has been brought up well. We are not looking for the impeccability of medieval times, just the basic Ps and Qs will do. Appropriate behavior on our part is very important when it comes to parenting, because our children learn from us. We cannot control the environment our children are in, making them exposed to all sorts of outside influences.
I had my first child at 19 and in a way it was good for me because I learned more about being selfless and considerate of others as well. Of course I didn’t learn everything right away; not during my first three or four children even. By the time I did, I was probably in my mid-20s already. Prior to that, I had quite a short temper and always wanted things to go my way. I saw it as a sign of self-improvement when I started feeling embarrassed for my kids when I would react impulsively in certain situations. I actually felt most proud when I would catch myself and say in my head: “Oops! These children are watching your every move and they idolize no one other than their parents!” That was the best and easiest way for me to make a quick turnaround and deal with the situation calmly BUT firmly. I wanted my children to learn the need for them to assert themselves, but in the most civil way possible.
When I was young, I was kind of spoiled. I wouldn’t answer back to my folks, but I remember stomping off and walking out when I didn’t get my way. Horrible! My parents were very strict with us, but they never curbed that attitude of mine, and although I can’t say I don’t blame them, that didn’t stop me from wanting to see a change in myself. I saw how difficult it was for me to get out of that type of behavior. That is why I often remind my children of how difficult it is to change as we get older. It’s even harder if you don’t realize it, or are in denial, because recognizing the problem is the first step to finding a solution.
Just like having good communication, instilling good manners cannot be learnt overnight. Appropriate behavior is learnt at certain life stages. These days, we notice that in our society even adults show very little respect and manners than in previous generations. Media has a lot to do with this, because it has a social responsibility. This is where good parenting comes in. We give children the foundation in order to discern right from wrong, so that they turn into responsible adults. A child must be consistently guided—mostly by the parents’ example—when being taught correct manners. We cannot just tell our children to do what we say because we say so; we need to explain to them, as we go along, why we make such judgments. We need to explain to them the end result, the reward we ultimately receive when we choose to do what is right. We also show them the value of making the right choices by praising them when they do well. The same happens when they readily admit to having made a wrong decision. We must also praise them for this because every mistake admitted is a lesson well learnt. Implementing rules—not just having them—is so important and should be equal for everyone, or else mutual respect will be lost. I cannot emphasize enough the importance of the way parents act around their children. Here are the most basic of rules to guide our children so they grow with the right manners.
1. Everything begins with respect
No matter how much you feel like screaming at your children because you are overwhelmed, always remember to not let out words which you will later regret saying. Talk to your children with the kindest tone and they will naturally speak this way to others as well.
2. The value of sharing
Make it a habit to be generous with your children in even the slightest way, so they also automatically share their blessings with others.
3. Give compliments easily
Be generous in complimenting your children whenever they show the slightest act of kindness so they will want to hear your praises even more. Avoid criticizing them, especially in public, as they will lose self-respect.
4. The importance of being polite
Let your children form the habit of saying “please” and “thank you.” This is the most important way to bring up children so they do not feel entitled.
5. Know when to apologize
Make sure your children know that an apology is not an automatic offense eliminator. On the other hand, teaching them to own up while they are still young makes them learn the value of taking responsibility for their actions. Apologizing to your children when you have wronged them shows you respect them.
6. Patience is a virtue
Reacting on impulse shows a lack of self-control. Being patient helps build character.
As my children grow, I am still in awe when I see them making decisions on their own. These are the times I can tell myself that I have done a pretty good job in raising them.
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source: mb.com.ph
